formless window

beyond the peak what will I meet?

2009-07-06T20:44:00.005+08:00

More than a month has passed since the best times of my army life. Well I can't expect it to be an escalating high. Minus the after-training life and great company. Minus the unrestrained laughter past the lights out timing. Add in the avoidance of politics and mistakes (sometimes too inconsequential yet blown out of proportion, sometimes too harsh for my meagre paycheck). Everyday, for a long time more.

Seeing my female counterparts furthering their studies soon, I feel frustrated. Still, knowing that most of my male friends are worse off leaves some consolation. Yet more than optimism, what I need is faith. Faith that the Lord is there and will guide me through each step. I need not be alone and I need not be helpless.

The fourth love of the Four Loves

2009-01-18T20:00:00.002+08:00

Out of all the encounters with a patient, it is upon his discharge when one feels the happiest and also, the saddest. Yet the joy, of selfless love, overwhelms the sadness that is selfish love.

For I know that they will move on and face new things in live, while I will meet many others poor in spirit and in need.

Lord, thank you for this chance.

christmas gift: music and sight

2008-12-25T23:20:00.003+08:00

"They can't fly! They can't fly!"

A little girl said of the young harpists in semi-loose pink gowns, playing to a crowd in front of Christmas trees.

Angels of fairies they must be.

-------------------

A thousand (construction) cranes lit the night sky of Marina Bay, to make one wish come true.

-------------------

Christmas in Korea yesteryear, Christmas songs in Korean this.

2008-04-26T21:56:00.005+08:00

How distressing! Murphy's law, that anything that can go wrong will, happened TWICE today. Twice, for something not my fault, I had to take responsibility because somewhere along the way someone else screwed up.

And I learnt that the most unreliable factor is humans. Not the weather, not the traffic. Those can be avoided. It is those you work with. Trust is needed in teamwork and yet you cannot trust that they will do it right all the time. In the end, I can only trust them and hope they don't make mistakes.

Sigh... I just hope I am wrong about this...

***

Edit (28/4): How foolish of me. It is trust in Him that I lack and it is trust in Him that matters only. Not in others, nor myself. May I remember even in times of hardships and success.

pw

2008-04-12T20:07:00.002+08:00

It is probably my first encounter with “real life”, specifically the term “life isn’t fair”. It disheartens me to see so many who put in so much effort get less then they deserve while others who did little had better results. Well it is hard to accept, difficult for those affected to brush it aside as “that is reality” so early in life, but I sincerely hope that they would not be overly discouraged from it and instead be able to grow and mature from it, becoming even better.

That aside, as both the group leader and as an individual, I am glad that our whole group did well together. So glad that I was smiling the whole day yesterday. We all deserved it without a doubt and now we can celebrate together.

I thank the Lord for his guidance, his overwhelming love and mercy.

Weary thoughts from a weary person

2008-04-06T23:32:00.003+08:00

It was nice sitting in a kayak and look at the sky. Floating, rocking gently with the waves, and looking. The sun hiding in the clouds, not too glaring. In the whole field of vision, just the calm blue sky.

The sea pushing me, making me turn in circles, though I need not worry, I need not take control. No need to worry about where I am heading, or whether I am capsizing or sinking. No need to worry about those around or myself even. The sky -- all there ever is.

How nice would it be to have an open top boat as a death bed. Lying somewhere in the middle of the sea where the weather is fine and the waves not too choppy, looking peacefully at the sky until my eyes close slowly to a deep deep sleep.

Somewhere on a long muddy path...

2008-02-01T21:59:00.001+08:00

I ran, literally. Ignoring the puddles and the big stones that could harm my ankles. Towards my mistake. For the first time probably, trying to amend it; not run away from it. To take back what I lost.

It was faster than I ever could. Breathless but very alive.

It felt good.

my very own korean drama

2008-01-01T20:18:00.000+08:00

"I think I see snow!" said Bill the guide as we turned round the final bend... "The driver says he sees it too!"
"... YES, I can't be wrong. Truly, it is snow."

A dramatic ending; first snow falling on the final day, at the airport just before departure. The perfect closure for a wonderful trip.

A Korean Christmas, how nice!

2007-12-21T23:20:00.000+08:00

Leaving on Sunday. I'm very excited about celebrating my first Christmas with snow.

At the same time, I'm slightly disappointed that we are not visiting the border. To me, it has a deep meaning beneath just the physical, like the Yasukuni shrine in Japan (which I regrettably did not get to visit 2 years ago) and Ground Zero in New York (which still leaves a deep impression from a year ago). In the increasingly globalised world, it represents the rare case of resistance. Though I can't really feel until I see it myself.

Merry Christmas to everyone!

2007-12-03T22:56:00.001+08:00

How I long to tear down the walls to attain freedom, only I fear the roof that shelters will crumble too.

Oh Lord, please help me in my darkest moments thus far

2007-11-25T23:26:00.000+08:00

Is it pity that I feel? Empathy? Putting myself in their shoes to see how I’ll feel in their situation or genuine concern? I wonder if that is how they want me to feel; I wonder if I’ll want others to feel this way for me (empathy again…).

I might care for the world, I might care as much as the world, but I might not care in the right way.

2007-11-08T22:39:00.000+08:00

Cycling was fun as always. Pasir Ris today during chalet, my first time cycling there. Alright but I prefer East Coast. Less puddles, less people on the wrong path, wider track with two directional lanes so no oncoming traffic and better scenery. Wonder if there is a ban on rollerbladers in Pasir Ris; did not see any.

Too crowded, so little chance to speed. I zoned out at times due to lack of sleep and somehow subconsciously weaved though the traffic. One reason I should not drive in the future… Too risky.

I finally managed to let go of the handle bar for 5 seconds. Letting go of my fears, literally. I will definitely improve, with the first step accomplished. Actually, I am more afraid of damaging my bike than of hurting myself. Maybe I shall try again with a rented one.

Project Work

2007-11-08T22:12:00.000+08:00

This will be the last time before I put PW at the back of my mind.

I am thankful for having such a good group, it greatly lessened the burden I usually feel when doing group projects. It is the rare instance in which I did not do the most, a good thing. I am grateful that C willingly travels from the other side of the island to meet up so many times. I am glad that everyone respects me and does their part.

It is weird, but I really enjoy doing it, probably because of the company. It was fun really, draining but fun. I wished that we could have done the puppet show and exhibition model, or try out the attachment; it would have been even more enjoyable. Maybe it is just me.

I really want us to do well together. I have always believed that we should work hard and reap the results together... To celebrate the success together. I would think that it is my failure if we didn’t.

We tried so hard… So hard that I fear we would not do well. It is the fear of doing your best because if you fail, all the effort is wasted. The fear of disappointment… It can sometimes be as great as the fear of regret. The report was on my mind for a few hours right after promos when I learnt that the second draft still needed a major makeover. I could not even relax after my papers ended. I trembled after OP because I thought I did not do well enough; until now I still feel that I did not. The fear that a screwup will destroy all the effort put in.

The burden, the pressure, all over finally. A mere breather?

2007-10-18T21:56:00.000+08:00

Laugh because its ironic; a bitter laugh because its true.

mutually advantageous exchange

2007-09-19T22:04:00.000+08:00

Today reminded me of the show Liar Game, about deceit and pangsei-ing (abandoning) others. Slightly similar, though no one could possibly be out to “kill” everyone else.

If everyone was for himself, some might lose out. If everyone cooperates, everyone will benefit. If everyone cooperates except one, he would lose out. Cooperating is key. However the problem occurs when the results were to be very different from expectations. Would someone panic and follow his own way? If there were sufficient people who reacted this way, the situation would change such that those who cooperate would lose out.

This would not happen for us because we know each other. However, imagine doing it with a group of strangers… It would be difficult to trust them, especially when the scenario becomes weird suddenly. I believe for such instances, it would be best not to have any prearrangement unless all possible situations are covered in detailed and people would tend to lose out if they fall out.

Which, if you have watched Liar Game, is the reason why the characters cooperated in the later rounds of the game. They knew each other from the earlier rounds which put the bad guy (a newcomer) in a far more unfavourable position than you would think. (Recommended to watch, quite interesting)

2007-09-18T23:47:00.000+08:00

Procrastinate as usual so this comes late...

Yesterday when we went through circular motion for physics I was really interested... Something I have not felt during lessons for quite some time. The pupils dilating, fully focused attention, brain accelerating at great speed kind of interest. The last time was some econs lesson but it didn't leave a lasting impression.

Anyway the reason was that I finally understand the concept behind countersteering, the technique for motorcycles and bicycles to turn at fast speeds. It is something I do without realising; now I can appreciate it. Maybe, just maybe, I might even have understood inertia drifting done really nicely in Initial D.

I kept visualising myself riding a bike or car to understand the concept and each time, adrenaline accumulates and I REALLY want to try it out. Car maybe not yet; bike I thought of wearing a helmet and testing down the road but too risky before exams and too many cars parked alongside. Next time...

*****

Pride has a nice soundtrack. Lots of useless pieces but many good ones too.

2007-08-29T23:51:00.000+08:00

Yes I still use that wallpaper. Maybe when I change it I can finally move on. Or maybe when I've moved on I would finally change it.

Grave of the Fireflies

2007-08-22T23:23:00.000+08:00

The feelings were different for the two different perspectives.

The anime showed the children’s perspective of the war. It told of how war is cruel in that the people, the women and children left behind must suffer. It spoke of pride and of how people can turn selfish in times of scarcity. To me, it is just a children show, meant to evoke empathy.

The live action recounted the same story in the aunt’s perspective instead. War again is cruel, again it changes people. Beyond this, it showed the bitterness of surviving. How the aunt hardened her heart for her family’s survival. It is something natural, yet when seen from the children’s perspective difficult to understand and forgive.

When the aunt saw the sweet tin and knew that they were gone, I could imagine that she would have a bit of relief that she did not have to face them from the guilt of abandoning them, and a bit of relief because she did not have to struggle to raise them up too. Putting myself in her shoes I would too.

War gives little comfort. The boy struggled to look after his sister and maintain his dignity. The aunt lives on with the bitterness of her losses and guilt.

Should you be interested, I recommend watching the anime first and then the live action.

2007-08-15T22:49:00.000+08:00

Today I met Cleaven and we happened to talk about Mr Chang, chemistry lecturer. I realised that he is quite similar to me... the way he says he can be very fierce when angry but everyone laughs instead. I used to say "I am angry" but give a boyish smile such that people think I'm not being serious.

"I'm angry."
"Hahaha you're smiling." *Smiles*
"Oh." *smiles wider*

I miss the old me. How smiling can solve my anger so easily. How people laughing off my seriousness (hee..) helps me brush it off myself. Now I am angry less often, but I smile less too.

hana kimi

2007-08-15T22:21:00.000+08:00

With the school filled with (only) pretty guys, there is bound to develop gay relationships. Not advisable at all, if there were really such a thing...

Series is ok so far, more absurd than other manga adaptations such as nodame cantabile and GTO, though tricks are getting stale. People appearing randomly for example. Hope the acting and chemistry improves to sustain my interest.

2007-08-06T22:50:00.000+08:00

We trashed things out throughout the night. We spoke honestly about each other. Before the sun rose and the new day started, I feel we understood each other better and became much closer.

deathly hallows

2007-07-27T00:05:00.001+08:00

SPOILERS WARNING...

I find the part on Snape very well written. As I read the fast paced, fragmented memories of his, everything about him in the previous books make sense. The patronus part was very sad. So was the part where he looked into Harry's eyes as he died as I reflipped the pages.

I too like the part about Grwinsthsth... Dumbledore's equal, denying Voldemort what he wanted. He might be an extremist, but he could still have a good side somewhere inside.

Ah finally 17... I can finally do magic outside Hogwarts.

2007-07-16T22:32:00.000+08:00

16 in 67 days. Not age, not kilos lost either, but grades improvement. The Lord be my strength.

I am glad that there are people willing to improve with me. It is really encouraging, seeing how I was sad and depressed the last few weeks. C, J and A, thank you all. Let's all do our best.

Blame is over, now to take responsibility.

2007-06-12T22:21:00.000+08:00

Been listening to instrumental pieces lately. Piano pieces especially. Really envy those who can play. Never got down to playing the first line of Close to You.

Yiruma is nice. Like his album, First Love very much. Pieces like Kiss the Rain and River Flows in You. Thank me if you like it haha.

Other nice random pieces. Too random to mention.

Then there are those from drama OSTs. Funny listening to Long Vacation collection wishing my holidays were longer.

2007-05-31T20:23:00.000+08:00

It is good that time is scarce. If it is not, I will probably be procrastinating even more and not trying my best in what I do. Things will not mean as much; I'll probably not cherish them as much as I do now.

Little bubbling children

2007-05-12T23:18:00.000+08:00

Such fun playing with little kids full of bubbling energy.

So carefree and happy, with not a worry in the world. So easily contented. So sincere and honest. How I envy them. How I find myself immersed in their tiny little world.

Pulling us to play with them. Chasing us till we're all tired. Then letting us go and then asking us to run so they can chase us again. What energy from them. What exasperation from us, as they decide to play yet another round...

"Please, we rather stay in prison." We begged, unable to take it any more.
"No! Go run! I count to 10, quick run!" Their little voices were still full of energy and life.
Here we go again.

2007-04-29T19:30:00.000+08:00

Fustration leads to change.

I hope so. I seriously hope so.

2007-04-14T01:05:00.000+08:00

The string of notes piercing my heart.

As I think of her playing Chopin's Nocturne.

It sounds so distant.

Her back so cold as she play. So cold and cruel.

Yet I know it is me who acts indifferent. Smiling hurts more; I just can't.

Can't Buy My Love (YUI)

2007-04-04T22:24:00.000+08:00

I've got hold of YUI's new album and woah. Still as good as before though I like the old ones better, sentiments sentiments.

Of all the new songs I like Why? best. So sweet and innocent sounding with a catchy tune. Must find out the lyrics.

Happy Birthday to you you is amusing because it seems like she is singing to herself. She just turned 20.

Edit: I am currently addicted to Umbrella. Another catchy one. Liking the album more each time I listen to it.

2007-03-05T22:41:00.001+08:00

To walk and run with the Spirit,

To live by Him and with Him in me.

For without, I am flesh. Full of sinful desires.

Ichigo 100% (manga)

2007-02-26T00:08:00.000+08:00

Ichigo (meaning strawberries) refers to the pattern on panties shown frequently during accidental upskirts. Beyond the perverted nature of the manga (Japanese humour at work, I’m complaining yet I’m not), Ichigo 100% is well written, with both heart-warming and sad moments.

A high school romantic comedy with one guy, and many (undeserving) love interest. His indecisiveness in choosing the girl he loves frustrates and leaves the readers anticipating and addicted.

One thing I like about this series is how each character has his thoughts and feelings narrated instead of just the main character. It makes each character better developed and unique. It also allows the reader to empathise with all of the characters. Thoughout the series, I could feel the pain –– sometimes joy but mainly pain –– of each character. An emotional rollercoaster, but this time riding on many characters’ different emotions –– a much bumpier ride.

---Spoilers---

Another thing I like about this series is the use of fictional metaphors to represent how the characters feel and how the story would end. Toujou’s novel probably represented how she hoped the situation would end. The second movie hinted how Manaka and Tsukasa would separate (the train scene). The last movie showed how Toujou felt about Manaka. The fortune number pairing hinted that Toujou is the best match for Manaka but apparently did not come through. I am sure many would agree with the fortune numbers.

The ending… happy-sad. Halfway through the series, I rooted for Tsukasa Nishino but towards the end I sympathised with Satsuki Kitaoji, and then Aya Toujou. It hurts when Kitaoji tried so hard until she was in despair and decided to be Manaka’s best friend. It is painful to see Toujou walk away tearing in the snow. Sad to see her smile to Manaka at the end of her ceremonial speech.

It is sad that choosing one girl would mean heartbreak for the other. Sad but inevitable. As how Manaka could not give all three girls happiness, Ms Mangaka (manga writer) could not possibly satisfy all the readers. Well, I think she tried her best to give all the characters a happy ending.

The series ended with each character moving on. It might be heartbreaking, it might be unfair, but in the end they managed to move on. If anything, it ended with hope.

Hope, and a lasting impression. Thank you mangaka.

2007-02-14T18:35:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buRnPSlWQHk
Better Life by Keith Urban

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fy91mHAPpE
Somebody Like You by Keith Urban

mindless wandering of the wondering mind

2007-02-02T23:52:00.000+08:00

When you are alone, not doing anything in particular, not thinking of anything specific, you tend to observe what you normally would not. The little things in life that escapes our attention.

I was sitting in the canteen after PE, slowly drinking; the atmosphere relaxed, the end of a long hectic week. I was sitting and quietly observing the Indian foodstall lady clearing up. It might probably be the cool weather or the relaxed mood that makes all actions seem slower.

I thought about the lack of hygiene the woman was famous for. How true can that be? I wondered as I watched her washing her pot. Would she bring it home or store it for next week? I mused as I saw her putting leftover food into a plastic bag. Idle thoughts to amuse myself.

I turned to the other stalls. The western food stall owners were packing up too. They too were moving slower than usual. The fruits and drinks stall was taking an order. The noodle and carrot cake stall open until now, working long hours, even during school holidays. The other stalls––closed. My eyes turned back to watch the Indian lady keep her utensils.

Why do these stalls open till now? Are they trying to earn a few more dollars, or are they just willing to provide service for the students? It this why they chose to work in a school canteen: for the students? Won’t they earn more selling to the public? I had an urge to ask them.

They may be working in our college because they like students (as if there is anything nice about us). No one knows; they did not ask of us to appreciate them.

To watch and let your mind wander off. I may not understand much, but to sit back and and appreciate the simple things in life, I feel happy. No Mark and Shannon, I was not down or unwell. In fact, it made what's left of my day. Yay.

2007-01-31T22:46:00.000+08:00

I am growing weirder by the day. A sign that I am getting increasingly bored.

speculation wrong

2007-01-30T00:15:00.000+08:00

I predicted end of last year that teasing of couples would stop now that we are officially JC students and relationships should be common and we (“we” includes me) would be more mature. Unfortunately I was wrong.

Well not totally wrong as those with open relationships are not made fun of anymore while those who have not announce verbally or through actions (either because they are to shy about it or that it is a made up one) are still teased.

This show that people are now mature enough to leave open relationships alone but still make fun of those with secret/imaginary relationships, either for personal amusement or to encourage it (though not very effectively).

As a conclusion, some advice for victims:
If the relationship is true, go open about it and people would interfere less. Ironic but true.
If it is imaginary, I am so sorry but you most likely have to endure it until they mature or grow bored of it. The best bet is to ignore it.

Word to reader: I am only HALF serious when I wrote this. It is just for my own amusement (haha I am weird). Apologies if necessary.

weactthewaywedobecause

2007-01-21T21:32:00.001+08:00

Some yearn for perfection. Others, just acceptance.

That night by the fire.

2007-01-17T23:14:00.000+08:00

That night by the fire, resting at the hammock shelter; all quiet in the jungle. A night to remember... The last we're together.

He reminded me then: it was probably the last time we could work closely together. It is sad I would not see him as often again. 10 years of friendship shorter than it seems. We might go separate paths, but the relationship would last forever.

Glad to see him mature after all these years. Went to his house today to borrow his uniform. His parents still remember me. His mother said I changed but have the same smile as before. God bless them.

Sentimental me.

2007-01-12T23:25:00.000+08:00

Changes are always forced upon us, what matters is whether we accept them.

Changes in situation can be an opportunity for changes in personality, what matters is whether we want that change.

Right now I don’t, the sentimental me. Clinging on to the past so sweet and beautiful. Contentment with the old leads to comparison with the present. Unfortunately, the old seems better.

Maybe it is because the change was my choice two years ago, thus I accepted it gladly. Hopefully, I can grow to like the present situation.

No matter whether we accept it or not, changes always forced upon us.

RM ended yay

2007-01-12T23:10:00.000+08:00

RM (research module) has ended (unless we get selected but even then I would not consider that RM) and I would like to share my happiness and relief.

Desktop full of RM files. Only the first two and last two columns are not. Even more files in another folder.

Sidenote:
The words on the top right corner of the desktop wallpaper is from Isaiah 40:31 of the Bible, one of my favourite verses:
"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run but not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Gives strength and encouragement especially for demoralising things like RM.

Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu (anime)

2006-12-31T23:24:00.000+08:00

Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu (The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi) is a sweet little story of… Suzumiya Haruhi.

Suzumiya-san is an eccentric girl trying but failing to be special, even looking for aliens, time travellers and ESPers. Thus she formed a new club in school to look for the extraordinary. The characters in the club are interesting too. Kyon, a normal human, tries to be chivalrous but admits that he has perverted thoughts of those he tries to protect. Asahina-san is the cute and clumsy girl important for a successful anime, having the responsibility of a cute, clumsy (and hot) girl mascot crucial for the club’s success (read: meta-role). Koizumi is both coolly weird and weirdly cool. Nagato… seemingly indifferent to everything. Watch and you’ll understand.

The story is sweet because while Suzumiya-san is extremely direct and straightforward, she does not admit to liking Kwon. Kwon too would rather believe that that is not true. Everyone else, however, think otherwise. Their little actions say it all.

Great art, great animation and entertaining storyline. While enjoyably absurd, it is also very deep.

The irony of Suzumiya trying so hard to look for something extraordinary when they are all around her (again, watch and you’ll understand) highlights the message that happiness and excitement can be found in anything, if we want it to be. She is already living a special life, but is unaware of it. She did one thing right though, that is to take action when she was unsatisfied instead of waiting.

The main message is to make the ordinary special; to find meaning and happiness in little things. Maybe I shall; the New Year arriving just in time for me to start.

A coincidence? (contextual again, watch to understand)

the thought that counts

2006-12-29T21:13:00.000+08:00

For Christmas, I got a hairband and another type of band for tying ponytails.

A minor problem though... I am a guy.

Well, guess it is the thought that counts.

Edit: Come to think of it, since I have it, there is no reason why I should not use them, is there? (NOT in public though, no thank you).

Yozora no Mukou (Beyond the Night Sky)

2006-12-26T21:18:00.000+08:00

I toyed with the idea that two of my favourite Japanese singers, Yui and Suga Shikao, would do a duet. To my delight, they actually did one: Yozora no Mukou.

Before that, I should introduce them first and since there can be no briefer and better introduction to a singer than through his works (nah I’m just lazy and there is always the ever reliable wikipedia), here goes…

YUI writes and sings songs that ranges from the slow and sad such as Tokyo to the fast and happier ones such as Life (one of the Bleach ending themes, though I don’t watch).

I knew Suga Shikao from Manatsu no Yoru no Yume (one of the Death Note themes) and other recent works include 19 sai (the PV is slightly R-rated so I won’t put the link).

Back to Yozora no Mukou, it was originally written by Suga and sung by SMAP. I prefer this version though all versions are good. It is a sad love song which means Beyond the Night Sky.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vvo_a4A-OE4

The PV set with Tokyo tower in the night sky as the background. Makes me want to go back to Japan. Sigh…

Paint a thousand words on air

2006-12-23T19:46:00.000+08:00

Does an artist create when he paints, or does he destroy? I was painting the other house when I came across this weird thought.

Yes he creates something new when he paints, but at the same time he destroys the whiteness of the paper or the cleanliness of the wall.

A musician creates music, and at the same moment he destroys the silence.

Out of nothing there cannot be something. One must give and take. Compromise.

But when looked from a different perspective, a painter creates something new when he paints, and at the same time he destroys the loneliness of the wall.

A musician can destroy the tension of silence as he creates music.

Compromise can be good sometimes. Destroying, not necessarily bad.

Something related but not so related I came up at the same time:

Paint a thousand words on air,
Dreams and stories we can share.

Quite dumb but I like it. Makes me think of little children sitting by the big fireplace listening to stories for some reason.

And another version:

Paint a thousand words on air,
Dreams and secrets two can share.

Want to discard one but don’t know which is better.

its a small small world

2006-12-19T19:13:00.000+08:00

I've decided not to ask anymore people about the school they are going to so that I would have a pleasant suprise when I see familiar faces next year. I'll then ask those who I don't see.

Some suspense is good so that I can have something to look foward to next year. It will be "Oh great we're in the same school again!" or "Wow we're in the same class... (Where's my $10 you owe me?)" for 2 seconds and then "Hi" or a wave or a headlift or a Maui tongue stick if she remembers (sigh) or a flirty wink (as if) for the rest of the two years.

Actually it would be "Eh?" all the time for me, seeing how I am always so blur.

dread

2006-12-18T16:29:00.000+08:00

It is nice waking up with the sun in my face.

Holidays are nice, but somehow RM just has to spoil the mood.

Now, the greatest motivation to do it is to finish it, and so that I would have one less person to dread: our dear external mentor. She is the only person I dread now and I really do not want to be in a bad relationship because the Lord asks us to love our neighbour as ourselves.

The sooner we finish, the sooner we can forgive and forget (and ignore each other as what we have always been doing). Christmas is coming anyway. Peace to the world and to us three.

Death Note: L for Legacy

2006-12-12T13:37:00.000+08:00

***SPOILERS in the case you have not read or watched, in which you should***

While even now I cannot help but grief the death of L, I am certain that it is the best possible way for him to die.

It is not just a death in battle, not just an honourable death dying trying. The way he died, he did not really lose to Kira, being tricked by a fake rule impossible to guess without testing (Mello tested and then confirmed with the deathgod) and being killed by a deathgod when one least expect. This way, he can still live up to his greatness (no pun intended).

In fact, his death not only befits that of the greatest detective in the world, it made him even greater.

The greatest make themselves dispensable. What someone indispensable can accomplish is limited to his lifetime but by passing down his skills, by inspiring others, his legacy can carry on long after his retirement (or death in L's case). L shows that his work can be picked up and continued even after his death (primarily through Watari which failed and then through Near and Mello). He inspired them to follow his model, to exceed him and to accomplish what he could not. He is already the greatest; he is not indispensable and thus he is even greater.

As how Kira is great not for eliminating evil but for bringing out the hatred of evil in his followers and the awareness of evil in his non followers.

Of Oysters and Memory

2006-11-27T22:38:00.000+08:00

Oysters contain zinc which helps improve memory. However, eating too much oysters may result in excess bad cholesterol which might cause a stroke, which might in turn cause dementia (decline in brain functions, including memory).

In conclusion, don't pop in oysters like vitamin pills. (Or don't crack them open like peanuts.)

Take the risk (as dear Tian Wei would say)... At your own risk.

Death Note Anime

2006-11-25T16:04:00.000+08:00

Currently watching Death Note anime. It is airing in Japan weekly on Tuesdays and subtitles version is usually out by Saturdays.

I like how L acting youthful makes him look matured (his eyebags) but child like at the same time (with big eyes). His voice is good too, ranging from a deep matured voice to compliment his weird habits, to a fast intelligent voice to make him sound reliable.

Raito is shown to be more careful (to the point of being too extreme) than in the movie. He takes many more preventive measures and do more things to avoid suspicion (of course with L always finding a loophole to continue suspecting him). Better looking too.

The songs are great. The World and Alumina, both by Nightmare, fit the atomsphere and storyline very well.

A Survival's Afterthought

2006-11-22T12:10:00.000+08:00

I survived, pushing on, forcing myself to continue. "Fall out" was not supposed to be in our vocabulary. I am glad I did not but must admit I was close to doing so at certain points.

It is painful suffering, but suffering while feeling lonely hurts many times more. My only driving force at these times were to carry on until the other scouts return and to complete the whole thing so that we (a friend and I) could laugh at me after.

Just one single moment of weakness is enough for one to fall. Most times I had faith in myself, but when that disappears, it is the faith others have in me that kept me going.

I learnt how weak a person can be when he is alone, I learnt too how strong he can be with company. I learnt how one can forget the fundamentals when he is tired, and how one should not. I learnt of my own limitations, and yet I learnt that there is no limit to how much I can do when I really want to. I learnt that one needs the help of others, yet others can't help much if one does not put in effort himself.

Experience through pain. A painful experience. As how many reminded us, it is these moments of suffering that we will remember best. Bittersweet, with an aftertaste of victory.

Standard Camp 06. A sec 4 going as a venture.
With many thanks to those who helped me through tough moments.

that hug

2006-11-14T17:44:00.000+08:00

As I hug my bag tightly, walking with my worries tagging along...

As I hug my pillow snugly, drifting to sleep with troubles following into my dream...

I realised that I am just another insecure person, with problems of my own, needing someone to comfort and encourage me.

Doubt. Dilemma.

2006-11-13T19:18:00.000+08:00

Is this how I feel? Is this what I really want?

Enthusiasm fades. Passion wanes. Things go stale.

Sometimes I just wished I could remain deluded. Contented because I think I am happy.

The truth may be harsh. Not knowing something, you may not dare try; yet knowing it too well, you may not want to attempt too.

I doubt and thus I can see a more complete picture; I know more, thus I doubt.

Sigh… I hope by doubting I could make a better choice. One where I won’t regret, one that I will stick with.

Mad Laughter

2006-11-07T22:55:00.000+08:00

Today, my crazy laugh returned.

Weird imagination of old men and cemeteries come true. Hiding in dense vegetation from tanks. Running away from them (and laughing at the same time). Being cornered by a tank and a group of soldiers; having to walk past them trying to look insignificant. Many other random laughs.

I have not laugh like that for a long time and suddenly it all gushes out.

Sangatsu Kokonoka

2006-11-04T00:23:00.000+08:00

Sangatsu kokonoka (9th of March/ 3月9日) is a nice song by Remioromen about graduation, sharing memories and moving on. (I sound as if I understand Jap...)

Very fitting and probably how I feel currently. Goodbye sniff sniff.

PV of the song. Like it a lot.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LWk7XxY8NY

Scene in 1 Litre of Tears where the class sings the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t95VpF2Qro8

Cute girl in both too but not the point.

Nobuta wo Produce

2006-10-31T11:21:00.000+08:00

Finished watching Nobuta Wo Produce. Another J-drama with the school theme, this time about two boys “producing” a girl with no self confidence into the most popular girl in school.

It is simple, yet deep and meaningful, dealing with things such as friendship, sacrifice and social image. Great plot with a nice blend of funny, inspiring and touching moments. Found the last two episodes especially touching and sad (in a happy way) and even leaked some tears. Woah Jap dramas are good at making you cry, whether it is happy-sad or sad-happy or sad-sad.

Good looking actors and cute actresses who act really well. Love Mariko and Nobuko. Shuji and Akira… would if I were a girl (don’t wish to though). Makes me realise what I’m missing here. Sigh…

Anyway, I highly recommend watching this.

Some of my favourite dialogues:

“Have you gone to a place and regretted it?”
“Mm hmm, yes I have.”
“You came back by yourself?”
“No, I came back with friends.”
“I see.”
“My friends brought me back.”
Perhaps only people can save people.

“Its lonely being lied to.”
“But… lying for a long time can be lonely too.”

“Don’t you care more about yourself?”
“To do something for someone else, does it mean you’re not caring about yourself?”

Hana Yori Dango

2006-10-25T01:10:00.000+08:00

I just finished watching Hana Yori Dango, another Japanese Drama. Great production. Funny and light hearted.

Especially amazed at the props, with castles and cars and clothes. The setting is good, I like the park with the row of advertisement best. The main actress is quite cute, must find out her name sometime.

The amount of violence is actually more unbelievable than the riches. There is this guy bashing anyone and everyone up when he feels like it. Must be a deliberate adaptation from the manga it was based upon.

Romance-wise, it is not as touching as in 1 Litre of Tears since it is supposed to be light hearted. Sweet, but they do not seem to really need each other. It also does not leave as lasting an impression as the previous two I watched, 1 Litre and GTO.

I guess it is unfair to compare, might even be my preference. Still, I think it is a really good drama to watch and highly recommend it.

Might be watching Nobuta wo Produce next, another school-based Japanese drama, when I find the time. And when I am tired of the school genre, I might watch Long Vacation or something else older.

No More Exams (for now)

2006-10-11T09:03:00.000+08:00

Exams are over. Somehow I do not feel as happy as I did when I anticipated how I would feel.

The thought of being happy makes one happy; the thought of being free bring more joy than actually being.

The reason being drive. It is something that pushes you, adrenaline causing euphoria. To motivate yourself, you think of the ideal outcome of success. An outcome that makes you feel good, yet far from what is to come.

Like how a bird suddenly free from its cage feels lost in the vast world. Like how a person who lives for revenge and succeeded in it has nothing more to live for. There is nothing left to drive them, they have reached their goal. Their endpoint. Until they find a new goal, they would not be satisfied. This means that it is difficult to feel contented, once your goal is reached, you need a new goal, and when you reached your new goal, you need another.

That being said, I shall not complain and be contented for now.

(Note: sorry if it sounds confusing and the ideas keep jumping around with little link. I’m confused myself. Probably my state of mind so please pardon me.)

Hazy Night, Moon is Bright

2006-10-06T23:15:00.000+08:00

At least before the haze came and blocked her and everything else.

A beautiful evening red as it just peeks over the rooftop. I tried to take pictures with a basic camera (lousy zoom) the few moments it is not covered by the clouds (or haze?). Too lazy to post.

Nobody walking outside with lanterns this year. Yet somehow I think there is enough smoke for kongming lanterns to float without a lighting up.

Mooncake festival this year might not be as fun, but certainly not any less dramatic as the previous.

When September Ends... Two Days Late

2006-10-02T15:07:00.000+08:00

I can't believe I didn't listen to Greenday's Wake Me Up When September Ends for the whole month of September. A good song for the mugging mood right before exams (which starts in October).

Oh well, I guess two days late is better than never.

Shortcuts

2006-09-27T23:29:00.000+08:00

My father gave me a simple yet valuable advice today: Don't ever take shortcuts.

It is especially important for a person like me who emphasises efficiency (minimum effort and time, producing maximum results) greatly, sometimes even over emphasising it and compromising on other things. Having priorities is not an excuse for being indifferent.

Problem

2006-09-20T21:13:00.000+08:00

While practicing source based questions during lecture, we were given a picture and asked to identify a problem about globalisation from the picture. There was no obvious problem in the picture but the teacher ended up forcing an answer.

Here, I realised something that disturbed me greatly. We have to answer directly to the question, which means whether the picture shows a problem or not does not matter. We have to create a problem ourselves. Creating something out of nothing, a famous war strategy quoted by my friend. That something can be useful. It can also be like creating noise to disturb peace: useless, even harmful. Spotting problems is one thing (though they are prone to be labelled trouble makers), creating problems is another. Questions can manipulate us to think and respond in a certain way; does that happen in real life?

(Note: I’m not blaming the teacher. She is probably teaching us to be exam smart with the best of intentions.)

Speaking of problems, there is a real one right now that might affect us directly. “Only two doors away”, as my (other) teacher mentioned in class today, there is a coup in Thailand. Military rule is scary. Democracy and freedom of rights we often take for granted.

I realised too how presence of authority is more important than holding the authority. An authoritative figure is a symbol, remove the presence of which, there is no meaning, no power. Like how a policeman without his uniform and gun (his symbols of authority) is only a civilian. With Thaksin away, authority within is at its lowest.

Bargaining Skills

2006-08-31T14:38:00.000+08:00

If there is only one thing we gained from VIP, it is bargaining skills.

Ask any of our teacher and they would agree. Deadlines, extensions, homework and more.

Happy Teachers Day.

To Go Or Not To Go? There is No Question.

2006-08-30T20:11:00.000+08:00

It amuses me when people discuss animatedly whether or not to go for prom. Considering. The conclusion is obvious, no matter how many reasons they consider, no matter how many points or how good the points they exchange are.

Don't feel offended. Amused; I am often. Don't mind me.

One Litre Of Tears

2006-08-29T00:26:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IW9b-b1nUZI

Just finished the series today. A beautiful J-drama, sad, touching and heartwarming. In fact, the saddest and most touching I've watched.

It is about a 15 years old girl who contacted an incurable disease that causes her to lose control of her body gradually. How she has to give up all that she loves and how she struggles to keep what she has left.

A disease of despair, yet hope shines on her. She draws strength from those close to her and yet she gives strength to those around her. Ever so optimistic. Ever so determined.

It teaches me to treasure what I have. It inspires me to help others.

About the title, it is most fitting. Sure to tear, if not cry, in every episode. I did. Many times. Even 3 hours after. MUST WATCH!

countdown

2006-08-19T23:54:00.000+08:00

The countdown timer in front of me reads 40 days, 0 hours, 11 minutes to final year examination.

quote of encouragement: one reason

2006-08-17T23:27:00.000+08:00

Some men have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to, when all they need is one reason why they can.
- Willis Whitney

brown guilt

2006-08-15T20:53:00.000+08:00

It is disappointing that students make fun of their teacher's oversized nipples (male, mind you). Disrespect shown. I am ashamed of myself too, for laughing when I know its wrong. Guilty but can't help it. No better than. God forgive me; I tried and I am trying.

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Anyway I was at the golf course when the coach commented on my cap.

"Woah double X (refering to the logo) ... *mumble mumble* "

Think he was saying why not one more (x).

Very happy, got my first bogey and another double bogey (golfing terms, sorry). Great for my standard. Without Him, I am not capable of accomplishing. My Chinese test too, he gave me strength and yet it was a wake up call from him.

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Just came back from the pool. It is nice to have a pool entirely to myself, with the sky not covered by tall condo or flats. Lie back and the whole night sky is in view, the light current relaxing your body, your mind drift away in thought. Freezing cold though.

Can see the pool through my balcony now. It is just there, the same level as my apartment. Just in front. Will miss this place when I shift back.

Psycho

2006-08-15T00:33:00.000+08:00

Reading about Psychology, like Quantum Physics, can make you go crazy. Yet, unlike Quantum, things makes much more sense.

Maybe too much of SIP and pure randomness, but here goes:

Insult is subjective like identity. What others see in you, you might not see in yourself; what others deem as an insult, you may not find insulting.

Is it possible then that others can insult you and feel satisfaction, yet you would not feel offended or angry?

No, because the satisfaction comes from offending. Not offended, no satisfaction, is the insult still an insult?

the balloon snatcher

2006-08-13T14:09:00.000+08:00

I was selling balloons and cookies with Sihui when a child suddenly snatched the balloons in my han and demanded to his mother, to us, to the whole world that belonged to him, that he WANT.

I always thought that a child like him would be spoilt only because his parents spoilt him. Since he was so spoilt, his mother is sure to buy the balloons to (continue) spoil(ing) him.

Not in this case where the mother refused to get a balloon for charity because "must pay leh".

And so I realised that the real reason a child is so spoilt is that he thinks that everything MUST come free. It could be because parents overindulging their child heads to him thinking that things come cheap and easy. It could also be, as in this case, the parent expecting things to be free, and thus the child wants things free: its free, I want, I snatch.

Sure enough, there are also other cute little kids who come to us and ask politely if they could have a balloon. After telling them that it costs $2, they look disappointed and walk away. It is sad, if only they can work to get the balloon deservingly. Simple "work" such as drawing a picture for the elderly or something for a balloon. This would teach them the importance of working for what you want, and that nothing in this world comes free. Children that are not spoilt might grow up to become parents who are not kiasu.

Maybe such a campaign would be good.

Jap Drama: GTO

2006-08-12T23:28:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hGHcZepaDA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwSZxAIKPE8

Some of my favourite scenes in a Japanese drama I watched years ago but was too young to appreciate.

Great Teacher Onizuka is about a teacher who did much more than teach his students in the classroom, showing the true meaning of teaching.

Has some (pervertic) Japanese humour but is actually really touching. Not many dashing actors but has good looking actresses. A great show to watch, (one of the) best J-drama ever.

Lessons From Chinese Drama

2006-08-11T00:58:00.000+08:00

Watched Point of No Return today, and learnt a few valuable lessons on business and work from it as highlighted by my father.

1. Be detailed and critical about the small things, and at the same time think about the long term implications. Don’t solve a problem by compensating one to patch up the other (debts in the show, but somehow makes me think of lies).

2. When doing a business, do it for your employees. Do it so that people will have jobs, so that they can make a living. If you do it for personal gain, corruption is likely.

Likewise, politicians should have the people in mind. Doctors should have their patients in mind. Teachers, their students. Cleaners, the residents. Salespeople, not just the product , but the customers too.

With respect comes respect, and your deeds would be purposeful if purpose is right.

Then I think, how about students?

3. Be righteous and stick to your morals in everything you do. Don’t be overly concerned about how people view or badmouth you.

national day songs

2006-08-08T23:54:00.000+08:00

I (legally) downloaded 1 hour plus of national day songs, listening over and over again.

The Chinese version of the same songs sounds nicer generally, even though the lyrics do not necessarily fit perfectly since they are probably translated from English. Maybe because songs about our motherland should be in our mother tongue.

The newer ones are quite disappointing; no real nice ones since 2003. Home is an old favourite and Where I Belong brings back fond memories at the national stadium when we were P5. Romantic atmosphere lah, too bad I was not sitting with her. We Will Get There would be pleasant if not for being forced to do the dance every morning during assembly that year.

I also went down to my nearly completed home to watch the fireworks. Beautiful... well almost as much as you. ;P

Fast and Furious

2006-08-08T00:21:00.000+08:00

A drunken motocyclist almost killed (one of) my best friend(s). It was after the play when a whole group of us were crossing the traffic light when it was green. Cyclist at full speed, managed to turn away at the last moment.

It reminded me of a month ago when a friend and I were crossing the zebra crossing when a huge container truck was coming at expressway speed and just managed to brake less than meter away from impact.

Safety crossings can be dangerous as well, because of the assumption that it is safe.

Weird that both times the guy was blocking the girl though haha.

Homesick

2006-08-08T00:19:00.000+08:00

Homesick was not much about Sars as expected but more of a family being sick of home, home refering to the larger scale Singapore.

Impression that remained were but jokes and complains about the country we were born and grew up in. A family kept together for 10 days with nothing to do but to criticise the local system, after which, it is goodbye Singapore hello rest of the world again.

Then there was the youngest son who reminded that people can complain all they want but not do anything. By leaving, they give up without trying to change. Or they could stay, and try make a difference.

Guess I was quite like the quitters once, criticising without offering an alternative. Glad that people are nice enough to tell me.

precious moment

2006-08-01T00:42:00.000+08:00

We sat there, Ye Ye and I, looking through the window, down at the swiming pool, hearing the laughter of children we couldn't see. A peaceful silence; we talked little. My mind was blank, yet in a whirl; it was not thoughts that stirred, but feelings hard to describe. A loneliness in him and a certain sadness in me. Something only the Lord would truly understand.

“这里的游泳池比旧家的大。”
“爷爷，旧家没有游泳池。”
I sounded troubled, he looked confused.

His memory is failing, but I still love him. As much as before, even more so. I love you.

27 July

2006-07-29T01:22:00.000+08:00

16 years and the same old white hair, dry skin, weak ankles and aching back.

being nice

2006-07-29T01:21:00.000+08:00

I thought that being nice meant the compromise, sacrifice of one’s own interest to help others. I sometimes blame myself for things I give up to fulfil the favour. Sometimes I wished I were more selfish instead of being nice all the time.

The Lord showed me otherwise. Things would work out in the end, with faith in Him. I really wanted to play invigorate (not that I’m good haha) but realised that it clashes with chemistry wonderland. After showing some frustration (not as violent as last time but still…), I chose to repay Mr Teo’s trust in me. I even helped cleared up after everything without complains and with a big happy smile on my face instead. Rushing to the hall after, I realised that I did not miss anything!

A small, insignificant matter but it reminded me that one should not think of personal benefits all the time. I thank the Lord too for Cleaven and Koganti, who calmed me down, as well as YY and Yvonne who cared and listened. God bless them.

Since Us

2006-07-29T01:19:00.000+08:00

“How has your perspective changed since us?” was asked on msn.

“us” referring to USA and not us meaning us two, as I realised a moment later. Haha what made me think it was the latter at first?

Who said that was doesn’t matter really, even though I probably wouldn’t have misinterpreted if it were someone else.

Yet I found the misinterpreted meaning very sweet. “Since we were together” but more implicit, an experience only two would have, a meaning only two would know. A pleasant change since together, of dependence; one cannot do without the other.

Can’t help but smile whenever I recall that.

Since us? We were never together; we may never, but times we shared there still.

Of Cost and Lost

2006-07-29T01:16:00.000+08:00

Opportunity lost is an opportunity cost. Glad I tried even though I didn’t make it.

tnc or mnc?

2006-07-16T21:49:00.000+08:00

One solution to answer q1 of SS assignment: Call the company hotline.

"Welcome to abc company helpdesk. To know if abc is a tnc or mnc, please press 1."

let down

2006-07-14T21:51:00.000+08:00

Wordpress let me down. Cannot log in, cannot access past entries. Pang sei.

Lost valuable memorials and quotes, only resort is to search the cached.

Hope this does not disappoint too.